I love that my mom reads my blog. She’s my strongest supporter and loudest cheering squad. I made sure to send her the links to my first posts and she didn’t let me down. She cheered me on and encouraged me. She made me feel good about myself and boosted my confidence. Then, I shared it with my sisters. Their reactions were confidence-boosting as well. My family is exceptional in that regard. They’re dependable, encouraging, supportive, loving and caring. They got me excited and made me want to write more.
But then I started overthinking it. I began to wonder if my mom would be the only one to read my blog. I got a sinking feeling. My shoulders tensed up so bad I needed a massage to relax them. I knew that if I didn’t get it under control, I’d delete the site and go back to hiding in the shadows.
So, I wondered what it was that my mom and my sisters saw in me that I couldn’t see for myself. I began wishing that I could live my life seeing myself as they do. Wouldn’t it be fabulous if every time we thought of ourselves it was through the eyes of our moms? All we’d see is perfect imperfection and all we’d feel is unconditional love.
That’s my goal in life – to feel unconditional love for myself.
The problem is that we don’t see ourselves through the “mom glasses.” How we perceive ourselves determines how we feel about ourselves. Or it’s the other way around; how we feel about ourselves determines how we perceive ourselves.
Why can we look at other people and see the best parts of them but we tend to see the worst within ourselves? Why is it so easy to criticize ourselves and doubt ourselves? How do we put on our “mom glasses” to accept our flaws and focus on our good qualities?
In dark times, when battling depression or anxiety, I’ve found it impossible to see any good at all. A part of me knows it’s there but the veil of darkness won’t allow me to see it. Does that sound familiar? In times like those, I’ve learned that the best thing I can do is the thing I want the least – be around other people. It’s hard to do because I can’t stand to be around myself when I’m feeling down. Which makes me wonder how anyone else will be able to either. Yet, they do and it helps me to see it again too.
When you can’t see the good in yourself, surround yourself with those who can. Chances are, it will help pull you out of the darkness and help you move forward.
I know it comes down to self-perception. I see myself in a certain way and when I stray from that, the negativity in my head increases. When the negativity increases, my physical body feels the effects as well.
For instance, I’ve always seen myself as a shy introvert. Someone who doesn’t like to be the center of attention. That perception or belief doesn’t mesh well with writing a public blog. For me, there have been consequences for going against that perception of myself. Including stress, anxiety and an increase in negative self-talk. It’s caused tension in my shoulders; it’s made my stomach upset and caused other physical ailments. The worst of it is how it makes me feel. It makes me depressed, anxious and an overwhelming feeling that I’m not good enough.
So, how do we change our self perception and turn it into unconditional love? That’s the million-dollar question. It took time to get to where we are and it will take time to change it.
The first step is to understand how we see ourselves. The next is to figure out how we want that to change.
Write it out and ask questions like: What do I believe about myself? How do I feel about myself? What is the benefit of thinking of myself that way? What do I want to believe and how do I want to feel? Even ask yourself; what can I do to change this? You might be surprised what comes up from your subconscious mind.
Resistance to change could mean there’s something deeper that isn’t allowing you to let it go. When this happens to me, I ask myself a lot of questions to try to uncover the issues holding me back. If I’m still having difficulties, then I’ll seek out professional help.
If you truly want to change, then nothing can stop you – not even your own negative beliefs. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to change. What matters is that you’re trying. You might not see your value, your brilliance or your amazing self, but I guarantee you that someone does. For today, try to see yourself through their glasses. Today, I’m going to put on my “mom glasses” and I’m going to see what I think she sees. Today, I’m going to feel confident. Today, I choose to believe I’m talented. I’ll tell myself I’m amazing and I’m going to accept my flaws and love myself unconditionally.
In the end, it doesn’t matter if my Mom is the only one who reads my blog. What matters is that I’m writing it. The fastest way I know how to change my perception of myself is to work through it. I have to challenge it. Even though I’m scared, I’ll do it anyway and never give up. That’s what I hope you’ll do too!
For the record, I’m honoured and blessed to have a Mom who loves me, believes in me, is proud of me and who reads this blog.